Wednesday, July 9, 2008

The Invisible Woman: The Job That Really Matters

Sometimes when I'm researching I come across the greatest gems when I am least looking for them; when my mind is somewhere else and I am intent on going down the road I think the book is taking, and suddenly I am on a different one altogether. And the two worlds I straddle - the world of my book and the world of my real life - collide.

This happened today as I dug around for more information about developing cures for diabetes. After heaps of JAMA articles and university hospital reports, trying to wrap my mind around medical jargon and simplify what is incredibly complicated biological and chemical information, I stumbled on a blog, of all things, where a mom of a type 1 posted a youtube video about a doctor who has found a cure for diabetes in mice. I scrolled down to find what other tidbits of type 1 motherhood I can gather and there it is: the gem.

At first I thought she wrote it. I was so moved, I went to comment, which I almost never do, especially on a stranger's blog (see Cyber Ettiquette- I'm Not Stalking You, I'm Just Old ) when I realized this woman hadn't written the post. I researched a bit (but not extensively; I do, after all, have my own research and book to write) and could find several copies of this, but no author.

In the spirit of flagrantly reproducing someone else's work and spreading it with no credit, I'm reprinting it here. It's not about being a writer, but it is about being a mother: my number one job. If I never get published, if I never make it as anything the world notices, I'm doing the most important work in the lives of my kids. And if, by the grace of God, I become a published author and the world notices, I am still doing my most important work in the lives of my kids.

Sometimes, especially in the life of a writer, it pays to bear in mind what really matters.

Read. Have a Kleenex nearby if you are one of those who weeps at Hallmark commercials.

The Invisible Woman

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.

Inside I’m thinking, “Can’t you see I’m on the phone?”Obviously not. No one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I’m invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, “What time is it?” I’m a satellite guide to answer, “What number is the Disney Channel?” I’m a car to order, “Right around 5:30, please.”

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She’s going … she’s going … she’s gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it.

I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, “I brought you this.” It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe.I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription:”To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.”

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
* No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
* These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
* They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
* The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, “Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.”
And the workman replied, “Because God sees.”

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, “I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.”

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, “My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.” That would mean I’d built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want himto want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add,”You’re gonna love it there.”

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.


  1. I so wish I could say I'd written it. Sigh.

    At least I know good writing when I see it, right?

    Did you tear up just a little? Please tell me you did.

  2. Did I tear up? Yes, I did.