Monday, July 28, 2008

I have no idea what to title this one (The still small voice is silent)

I wrote a few weeks ago about a blog post by Rachelle Gardner about why we write, or more specifically, why God might call us to write. The point is, if you feel God is calling you to write, it may not be for the reasons you think it is. (I love how Rachelle puts it: God may be telling you to write, but he's not telling me to publish you.) There are lots of things we get out of writing. For some people it is cathartic. It is a way to get over past hurts, smoke out the ghosts in their lives. For some people it is about persistence, or discipline, or to touch a few people around you. It may be that you become an inspiration to others, or that by writing you become part of people's lives you would never have otherwise met. Maybe, just maybe, we change just a bit in the journey.

This post has been rolling around in my head lately. I realized the other day how much this process is changing me. Patience, which has never been my virtue, is becoming more important to me. As others steam ahead in their writing, I am plodding along, slow and steady, and slow. And for once, I'm okay with this. I am content to take this process one step at a time instead of jumping into the agent waters and letting the idea of publishing get in the way of my focus. I am content to be where I am, instead of where I am not, in this process. I am content to let my first book mellow under the bed until I finish this one, and I am content to take my time on the editing process.

I am more disciplined. I am learning to not let emotions rule how much I get accomplished and my determination. And I hope all these things bleed over into the non-writing part of my life.

The truth is, I don't know what God has planned for me in terms of my writing, but I do know I am a different person because of it, and if that is all I get out of it, it will be enough.

Well, okay, not. I'm not that evolved yet. :)

Banner word day today: 2,107

(and it's not even night! But tonight is baseball, so I don't know what I'll get done then)

I'm over 50% in both my WIP and my word-a-thon!

My favorite paragraph today:

Last night I snuck the SAT book out of Logan’s room to read while I smoked. I got stuck up on the word “elusive.” The big black sky, the vastness of space, the stars flung there by a God who is bigger than all of it. A God who wants to love me, if only I’d believe. A daughter whose life hangs on the thread of possibility. One more insulin. One more steroid. One more trial. The answer is there, if only we could find it. Could there be a more heart wrenching word than elusive?

I don't like the word heart-wrenching. Anyone have any other suggestions that might fit better?


  1. This is a really nice post, Heidi. I really think that everyone takes this whole thing at their own pace. What is good for one isnot good for the other, etc etc.
    That was in no way the reason I started the wordathon, I hope you know that. It was to keep myself from getting lazy. So ... I hope you didn't feel pressured by others to do it. But I'm really glad you're doing it with me.

    (And I've got bars of german choc with your name on it...I thought the whole family should rejoice in your fantastic success.) :)

  2. nope- that's my favourite paragraph too!

    Great post... I wish I had more time to say more. Just that, Yeah.

  3. Oh Jen, I hope you didn't think this was about pressure from you!! I am so excited about this word-a-thon. It is exactly what I needed to get focused. Without it I'd still be struggling around with the first fifty pages. I thought it seemed like a nearly impossible feat, and yet I am doing it! I think I will look back at this and think this is the most important thing I did in terms of writing, and one of the best things I did with my summer.

    I think it's awesome you have done so well! You inspire me!

    The pressure is all me. It comes from trying to juggle family and writing and all the obligations of both. I feel guilty when I'm writing, I feel guilty when I'm playing. And I am absolutely driven by goals. If I have one, I am darn well going to do it. There's no renegotiating for me.I'm not going to get to the 15th and not be done. That's pressure from me.

    I just need to find a good peace about it - accept that sacrifices are going to be made for a while.

    But I am not in the eensies teensiest way sorry I heard your challenge and raised my hand. This has been an amazing few weeks for me!