Wednesday, April 21, 2010


I'm heartsick tonight.

Right before bed, my daughter started crying and proceeded to tell us that her best friend, the little girl we've loved and taken to baseball games and had to dinner and over to play, has been demanding she give her money to be her friend.

She took money out of her own piggy bank for who knows how long, a quarter at a time. And then, when her friend told her to take it from her brother, she snuck into his savings and took two dollars from him.

It finally crushed her. It crushed us.

I had to call the mom, a woman I completely and utterly adore, who I think is probably one of the best moms I have ever known, to ask her if her daughter had taken money from mine.

8:45 at night is not the time for this. There is no good time for this.

It is heartbreak for all of us. For the kids, who may or may not ever have that special friendship they once had. Us moms, who may or may not have the special friendship we once had. The kids, utterly broken because they know they made some very bad choices. Us moms, utterly broken wondering where we went wrong.

I don't think there was malice on either of the girl's parts. I don't think my daughter's friend is a bully. I just think something that started fun ended up very badly, in a situation that spiraled out of control. Part of what makes me heartsick is how easily is spiraled that way, and how young they are for such a thing.

If they had been older....

If it had been something even more serious...

It is the reason I can never find it in my heart to judge another mom or child. In even the worst of cases, I never think, That couldn't be me.

It is the reason I live on the teetering edge of worry: because that could always be me. 

One small decision. One bad choice. One friend who makes a bad choice.

The perfect world we try to create for our children is a fragile and precarious one.  Just like our own.


  1. Yes, we should never ever judge. We had a problem here like you.. that we didn't know what was going on. Now I have a son who is in prison for 6 years. Just pray and thank the good Lord that you found out and could fix it before they were old enough to really be in big trouble. I will pray for your family please pray for mine. I don't know for sure but I think my son's thing started out innocent and got out of hand. He never asked for help like your daughter did.

  2. Kudos to you for handling it and not trying to make your daughter work it out on her own. I have heard moms sometimes say they don't get involved in the their kids disputes with other kids and I can't help but think how wrong that is. They're kids and we are the grown-ups...we HAVE to be involved.
    I hope somehow there will be a happy ending to this story. Peace be with you and your little girl.

  3. Wow. You hear about that sort of thing in fiction. And now it's really happened to you. I'm so sorry.

  4. This is like a true life after school show. Yikes. My heart breaks for you, what a tough thing. How wonderful that she was able to finally come to you and let you know what was going on. That is so wonderful and puts pressure on us moms to be careful how we react. I always want to remain calm - so that my girls will know and always feel that hey can come to me with things - anything! That took guts for her to do that! She risked her friendship, consequences at school the next day from friends - she risked it all to do what is right. I am praying for her today. That she will feel extra loved! Hugs to you Heidi!

    Oh - and the crisis around here always pops up after bed time too.

  5. Hopefully the girl's mother handled everything the right way. Because kids do stupid things. It's up to the parents to teach and train and help them make corrections.

  6. It must be reassuring that she told you, even if it took her a while. Lots of kids don't have that kind of relationship with their kids.

    And I agree with Vampires and Tofu, sometimes it's best if we handle things instead of putting it on the kids shoulders.

  7. Oh Heidi. I feel for you. These are the things I fear most about being a mom. You can´t always protect them and you can´t always be there to give them the advice they need at the exact moment they need it. I´m so glad that your daughter came to you with this and I hope and pray that it will all work out happily. Like you said, we shouldn´t judge because no matter how hard we try as parents, our kids might not always make the right choices.

  8. Heidi, you addressed a difficult and troublesome issue - one any one of us moms could face - in such a beautiful and heartfelt way. I love the way you are able to look at what happened. You're a good mother.

  9. drat. life is complex and difficult. it seems you did the right thing and I am sure your little one has learned what true friendship is built upon. in the end, it is a blessing to have this lesson come so early in life for her. she's lucky to have a mom who turns the heartache into knowledge.

  10. Oh my heart aches for you, Heidi. I've been there and done that and it is so difficult. Hugs to you and your daughter. And as unbelievable as it seems right now, this too shall pass.