For the last three weeks I have lived, eaten, breathed running and writing. Every free hour. And a few that weren't free. And today, my body said enough is enough!
My foot, recently healed from its ten month stint in braces and on drugs, is back to its usual tricks, and I only made it two miles today, hobbling the rest of the day and sorely tempted by the last of the pills I stopped taking two months ago.
And my brain, spurred on for weeks by caffeine and endorphins, seized up today and I came to the realization that I can't cram this baby in by the weekend and throw a few queries out the door. Not that all of Nathan's posts on being patient weren't sign enough that I needed to slow down and take my time, but today, with one teeny tiny hurdle to overcome enough to be ready, I just couldn't do it. I tried. I wrote, and deleted. Wrote more, deleted that. My teeny tiny scene is becoming big, huge trouble.
What I have is okay, but it can be better. It can always be better. Everytime I read through it, or someone else reads it, there is more to do. My husband keeps saying, "At some point, you gotta just trust what you've done is good and let it go, or you'll keep tweaking it forever." He's right. I have a novel with six different first chapters to prove that. But this one... I know exactly what needs to be done, and I don't want to peddle it without it looking it's best. That way, if I get the rejections, I don't have to question if it would have been better if I waited.
Patience.
Quiet.
A little sleep.
Maybe one or two more days here might help.
Tomorrow will be better.
The beach is always a good answer. Sounds like your book writing adventures are really going well. I always tell Susie when she gets near the end of her writing/recording/song arrangement process, take the time to get a deep breath. Creativity, unlike 'intelligence', flows out of relaxation, not pressure. I often feel like I "have to get something done" by a certain time, but in reality, if I just got some rest and relaxation, it would come a lot easier.
ReplyDeleteIn any case, just remember, whatever happens, Jesus loves to see you expressing yourself, and giving yourself to the passion He put in your heart!
Shawn, You're absolutely right about the creative thing. It's so hard to force.
ReplyDeleteYour last comment reminded me of church yesterday, when the pastor showed a clip of Chariots of Fire. In one scene, the one runner says, "I have one race left. In ten seconds I have to justify my whole existence. I'm scared." And the other said, "I have to run. When I run, I feel God's pleasure, and it honors him."
Same race, totally different attitudes. I try to keep in mind that whatever I do, I do to please God and honor Him, no matter the outcome!
Well if we're on the race theme...
ReplyDeleteWe have a hymn we've been singing for the last year or so. "Guide my feet, while I run this race, for I don't want to run this race in vain."
Don't knock yourself out though. Patience is so hard but the more I work on this project, the more I have to remind myself how necessary it is. You're on the right track.
Running is such a superb excuse for not running. It really clears my brain out (I find).
ReplyDeleteI would love to be around the ocean too though.
MMM ocean.
Jen, I find I am trying so hard to just remember to breathe there isn't room for thinking about anything else! I used to plot my book while walking, but now that I am really working out, I can't keep a straight thought in my head!
ReplyDeleteHeidi - loved the hymn!