Every new book is a new experience. The first one... I dove head in, a few scrawls on a piece of paper to lay out basic characters and a thin plot and in I went. It was a mess. A wonderful, adventurous mess! I discovered the story as I wrote, and fell in love with it anew each day.
The second came to me as an entire book. Characters, conflict - all of it in one gorgeous rush. As far as books go, it was an easy one to write. There were a few surprises along the way, but they were small ones.
The third one... or should I say ones. Because there have been many. A failed middle grade I gave up on six or seven pages in. Lists of characters that have no plot. Lists of titles with no stories. Pages of plots with no heart. And three or four I love, but just couldn't get more than a page or two of yuck out of.
I feel like this time around is like shopping. I'm trying all these great stories and people on like outfits, trying to find the one that fits just right. There have definitely been some missteps... you know - that outfit you try on in the store and love, and then when you get home think, What in the world was I thinking??
Over Christmas I wrote a pitch. Just that. No title. No list of characters, or even any main character. A basic plot wound into a hook that came out of the tragedy of death and the emotions I was going through that very moment. It came out of where my best stories come from: the what if? It flew into my head in a moment of pure emotion. I jotted it down, and put it away.
Lost in my funk, I forgot about it until I stumbled on it today. I struggled all day seeing if there was anything there. And somewhere in the second page it came. It feels a bit like floodgates opening. The words stopped being a struggle, and something inside the story took root, and then came rushing out.
Tomorrow will I find it's like that outfit that looks good in the store and at home fits all wrong? I hope not. Because there was something there that wasn't in all those other scraps of story I eventually tossed aside:
Me.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Fun Facts: Discuss.
Since my good friend Jen decided to post a list of "You Know You're From Oklahoma When...", I decided to post my own (and by my own, I mean, one that pertains to me, and not that I created it, which I so wish I had, but totally didn't).
For the most part, I grew up in Northern Virginia. I had no idea any of this was unique until I moved away for 15 years, and someone sent me this list. So here it is.
You Know You're From Northern Virginia When...
1. Speed limits are just suggestions
2. You take a major highway to get anywhere (95, 66,28, etc)
3. You have at least 2 friends who have no idea what their parents do because its "top secret" government work
4. When people ask where you're from, you tell them DC because its easier to explain
5. You've never told someone you're from Virginia without putting "northern" in front of it
6. You dread going to the DMV for anything
7. Its not actually tailgating unless your bumper is touching the car in front of you.
8. A yellow light means at least 5 more cars car get through.
9. A red light means 2 more can.
10. It takes you 30 minutes to drive 10 miles
11. Your local news is national news
12. You drive at least 30 miles a day to get to work
13. You do your Christmas shopping online b/c the shopping malls are like parking lots
14. Despite the fact that Virginia fought for the south in the Civil War, you are NOT, under ANY circumstances, a "southerner"
15. You know that each high school in the region had it's own corresponding McDonald's.
16. The cars in the local high school's student parking lot are woth 3x those in the teacher parking lot.
17. You are amazed when you go out of town and the people at McDonalds speak english
18. You can cross 4 lanes of traffic in under 30 seconds
19. There are at least 3 malls within 20 minutes of your house
20. You or someone in your family has a Smart Tag
21. You remember the Air and Space museum fondly from school fieldtrips to DC
22. When traveling, you have your choice of 3 airports
23. An inch of snow and you miss 3 days of work
24. All the potholes just add a little excitement to your driving experience
25. When you were driving on the beltway at 2:13am on a Tuesday there was still traffic
26. Crown Victoria = undercover cop
27. A slow driver is someone who isn't going at least 10mph over the speed limit
28. Subway is a fast food place. The transportation system is known as Metro, and only Metro
29. You've taken a wrong turn somewhere late at night and ended up in a bad part of DC
30. They just tore down the old farm house across the street and put 12 new houses in its place
31. Two words: rush hour
32. For the cost of your house, you could own a small town in Iowa
33. Helicopters, F-15s, and airplanes flying above your neighborhood is a normal occurence.
34. If you stay on the same road long enough, it will eventually have 3 new names.
35. You had over 500 students in your high school graduating class.
36. If your high school is over a year old, it is overcrowded.
37.You are friends with people from at least two other high schools.
38. You have to dial the area code to call your neighbor.
39. You live five minutes from at least two schools but yours is 30 minutes away.
40. You know at least three alternative routes to avoid sitting at a stop light.
My question is this: do any of these things sound just like where you live too? How many are really universal, and how much is unique to Northern Virginia? (and there I've done it! added that adjective before the state name! it's habit, I tell you!)
For the most part, I grew up in Northern Virginia. I had no idea any of this was unique until I moved away for 15 years, and someone sent me this list. So here it is.
You Know You're From Northern Virginia When...
1. Speed limits are just suggestions
2. You take a major highway to get anywhere (95, 66,28, etc)
3. You have at least 2 friends who have no idea what their parents do because its "top secret" government work
4. When people ask where you're from, you tell them DC because its easier to explain
5. You've never told someone you're from Virginia without putting "northern" in front of it
6. You dread going to the DMV for anything
7. Its not actually tailgating unless your bumper is touching the car in front of you.
8. A yellow light means at least 5 more cars car get through.
9. A red light means 2 more can.
10. It takes you 30 minutes to drive 10 miles
11. Your local news is national news
12. You drive at least 30 miles a day to get to work
13. You do your Christmas shopping online b/c the shopping malls are like parking lots
14. Despite the fact that Virginia fought for the south in the Civil War, you are NOT, under ANY circumstances, a "southerner"
15. You know that each high school in the region had it's own corresponding McDonald's.
16. The cars in the local high school's student parking lot are woth 3x those in the teacher parking lot.
17. You are amazed when you go out of town and the people at McDonalds speak english
18. You can cross 4 lanes of traffic in under 30 seconds
19. There are at least 3 malls within 20 minutes of your house
20. You or someone in your family has a Smart Tag
21. You remember the Air and Space museum fondly from school fieldtrips to DC
22. When traveling, you have your choice of 3 airports
23. An inch of snow and you miss 3 days of work
24. All the potholes just add a little excitement to your driving experience
25. When you were driving on the beltway at 2:13am on a Tuesday there was still traffic
26. Crown Victoria = undercover cop
27. A slow driver is someone who isn't going at least 10mph over the speed limit
28. Subway is a fast food place. The transportation system is known as Metro, and only Metro
29. You've taken a wrong turn somewhere late at night and ended up in a bad part of DC
30. They just tore down the old farm house across the street and put 12 new houses in its place
31. Two words: rush hour
32. For the cost of your house, you could own a small town in Iowa
33. Helicopters, F-15s, and airplanes flying above your neighborhood is a normal occurence.
34. If you stay on the same road long enough, it will eventually have 3 new names.
35. You had over 500 students in your high school graduating class.
36. If your high school is over a year old, it is overcrowded.
37.You are friends with people from at least two other high schools.
38. You have to dial the area code to call your neighbor.
39. You live five minutes from at least two schools but yours is 30 minutes away.
40. You know at least three alternative routes to avoid sitting at a stop light.
My question is this: do any of these things sound just like where you live too? How many are really universal, and how much is unique to Northern Virginia? (and there I've done it! added that adjective before the state name! it's habit, I tell you!)
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The Second Resolution
No, I'm not just making these up as I go along. Well, maybe I will down the line, but right now, I actually had this one at the beginning of the year. I'm spreading them out so I have something to write about on these cold winter nights when I'd rather crawl under the electric blanket with a book.
So I've always eschewed diets as a resolution (but not using big words like eschewed.. I love when I know a big word without having to look it up - especially when I can use it in a sentence!). I did unofficially resolve to lose those five pounds last year that snuck up on me when I wasn't looking, but I did it in that non-diet-worded way like, I'm going to fit into those jeans I love by the end of the year!
So for a year I tried, quite unsuccessfully if you judge by the jeans that are still stuck in the back of the closet. The fact is - I can do all the right things (exercise, eat well, etc) and still not get the results I want. Total lack of control.
This year I decided to try a different tactic. The heck with the jeans. Hey, I've got a husband that thinks I'm sexy... do I need any other opinion? So this year I'm going to do what I've always thought impossible. I'm going to run ten miles.
Some of you have just fallen over in an apoplectic seizure. (BIG WORDS!) Some of you are rolling your eyes thinking, "Hey, what's the big deal?" (I know who you are, too, you athletic, marathon-loving triathletes!). But for me, the pinnacle of my athleticism was a running class in college ( I know! A running class! Like they have to teach you how to do that! And I got credit for it!). The end goal of that class: a three mile run. I about passed out. Three miles seemed like - well, a lot. Really a lot. And when I did it, I thought I had reached the peak of what I would ever do... in my entire life. Three whole miles. Running.
And now, I have pushed myself to six and a half. Me. An almost forty-year-old with one partially crippled foot (but it's on the mend - really - any day now). And when I got to five miles, at the beginning of this year, I thought, why not? Why not ten miles? Three months ago I wasn't running two without gasping for breath. If I can do five, why not ten?
It's not getting me into my jeans any faster. It's not helping my blood sugar (darn it, it's actually making it worse, which totally isn't suppose to happen!). It isn't clearing my head and giving me time to think about plotting my next book (all I think about while running is air! air! I need air! and who put this stupid song on my mp3 player anyway??). But I love it. And I feel good. And I actually think I could go skiing again without breaking anything, which I didn't think last year. And I have to believe that in the long run, it's good for me.
But really, I just enjoy it. And if I can say in twelve months that I've run ten miles - even if only once - that will be more than I ever thought I'd be able to say.
So I've always eschewed diets as a resolution (but not using big words like eschewed.. I love when I know a big word without having to look it up - especially when I can use it in a sentence!). I did unofficially resolve to lose those five pounds last year that snuck up on me when I wasn't looking, but I did it in that non-diet-worded way like, I'm going to fit into those jeans I love by the end of the year!
So for a year I tried, quite unsuccessfully if you judge by the jeans that are still stuck in the back of the closet. The fact is - I can do all the right things (exercise, eat well, etc) and still not get the results I want. Total lack of control.
This year I decided to try a different tactic. The heck with the jeans. Hey, I've got a husband that thinks I'm sexy... do I need any other opinion? So this year I'm going to do what I've always thought impossible. I'm going to run ten miles.
Some of you have just fallen over in an apoplectic seizure. (BIG WORDS!) Some of you are rolling your eyes thinking, "Hey, what's the big deal?" (I know who you are, too, you athletic, marathon-loving triathletes!). But for me, the pinnacle of my athleticism was a running class in college ( I know! A running class! Like they have to teach you how to do that! And I got credit for it!). The end goal of that class: a three mile run. I about passed out. Three miles seemed like - well, a lot. Really a lot. And when I did it, I thought I had reached the peak of what I would ever do... in my entire life. Three whole miles. Running.
And now, I have pushed myself to six and a half. Me. An almost forty-year-old with one partially crippled foot (but it's on the mend - really - any day now). And when I got to five miles, at the beginning of this year, I thought, why not? Why not ten miles? Three months ago I wasn't running two without gasping for breath. If I can do five, why not ten?
It's not getting me into my jeans any faster. It's not helping my blood sugar (darn it, it's actually making it worse, which totally isn't suppose to happen!). It isn't clearing my head and giving me time to think about plotting my next book (all I think about while running is air! air! I need air! and who put this stupid song on my mp3 player anyway??). But I love it. And I feel good. And I actually think I could go skiing again without breaking anything, which I didn't think last year. And I have to believe that in the long run, it's good for me.
But really, I just enjoy it. And if I can say in twelve months that I've run ten miles - even if only once - that will be more than I ever thought I'd be able to say.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Keep Moving Forward...even if that's in circles!
This is going to be short. Life has got a hold of me and this new year is proving to be, in the words of Frosty's magician, busy busy busy.
I am in the in-between place. I am sure God is calling me to write. I am not sure where he is planning on taking me in that process. I have a book done and ready to go, and another idea ready to put on paper. I am querying, waiting, writing, waiting. In Biblical terms, I am in the desert.
In the Old Testament, God called the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt and promised a land for them. But before they reached that place, they wandered in the desert forty years. Wondering why they left Egypt, and wondering if they'd ever make it to the Promised Land.
Beth Moore, in her study of the book of Esther, states that we, like the Israelites, are most vulnerable to attack - to doubts and despair - when God has pulled us out of our comfort zones where we are and set us on a path to someplace new - where we are not yet.
I am in that place. Between where I was, and where I want to be. I have to keep reminding myself of those clear signs that this is where I should be, and to be patient. And persistent.
And hoping it doesn't take forty years!
I am in the in-between place. I am sure God is calling me to write. I am not sure where he is planning on taking me in that process. I have a book done and ready to go, and another idea ready to put on paper. I am querying, waiting, writing, waiting. In Biblical terms, I am in the desert.
In the Old Testament, God called the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt and promised a land for them. But before they reached that place, they wandered in the desert forty years. Wondering why they left Egypt, and wondering if they'd ever make it to the Promised Land.
Beth Moore, in her study of the book of Esther, states that we, like the Israelites, are most vulnerable to attack - to doubts and despair - when God has pulled us out of our comfort zones where we are and set us on a path to someplace new - where we are not yet.
I am in that place. Between where I was, and where I want to be. I have to keep reminding myself of those clear signs that this is where I should be, and to be patient. And persistent.
And hoping it doesn't take forty years!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
My First Resolution
Courtesy of my friends up north (thanks, Heidi the Hick!), a very, very cold Canadian blast of air had invaded my state and I can't hardly get the chill out of my bones. During the day, my favorite place to be is in my car - heat blasting ridiculously high, and bun warmers going full throttle. The only problem with the car is that eventually, you have to get out. And out is cold. Very very cold.So this week I am indulging in my first New Year's Resolution. Going to bed a little early and reading for an hour. Best of all, I have an electric blanket that kicks up a wicked heat, and I have a great book that's very hard to put down.
Back in the early 90s I discovered Michael Crichton and, typical of me, devoured every book he'd ever written in a span of less than half a year. In my beautiful new library in my own house, there is an entire shelf dedicated to his books.
And then, when I had run through them all, I went on to another author. He, meanwhile, kept writing. And last month, a friend gave me one of his books that came out years after I'd moved on. It is everything good Crichton is: amazingly detailed, incredibly scientific, suspenseful, adventurous. It takes me to another time, another place, with great characters who are fun to be with. It's total escapist reading.
Escapist, indulgent, wonderful reading. All under an electric blanket.
I love New Year's Resolutions.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Maybe I Spoke Too Soon
Just when I think I'm back to normal - getting in the swing of things again and falling into place - a day like today spins me in circles.
I know grief isn't like a light switch that you can suddenly turn off when you're ready to leave the room, but I'm not usually the griefy kind of person. I can only think of one time I've cried in the last twenty years that wasn't related to some Hallmark commercial or sappy movie. Sure, I'm free with the tears when it's completely not personal, but when it comes to my own life, I just don't. I don't know why. I've just never been the crying type.
I always feared someday I'd get horrible news and I wouldn't be able to cry and people would think, "How can she bawl like a baby through Pooh's Heffalump and not cry at real life??"
Then Jean died. And that worry went to rest.
I've made it through more than a week without crying. I've moved on. I've talked about it, written about it. Whatever needs to happen, I thought I'd worked through it. After all, even though Jean and I were very close many years ago, our relationship the past years have been more facebook/occasional lunch friendship.
But today, I was back at first base. No reason that I can pin it on, but I was on the edge of tears all day. An email, a pile of newspaper clippings, a conversation ... today was the arraignment of the kid who shot her. And during my Bible study the teacher kept harping on the fact that Esther was an orphan. "Can you think of anything more devastating than seeing children sitting in the front row while their mother's coffin is rolled past them?"
I bawled. Like a baby. All snotty, teary, ugly crying. In the middle of the Bible study full of women I really don't even know. Who probably wondered why in the world I cared so much about a video taped lecture.
Great gasping weeping. Quiet sobbing. Blinking lots to keep the mascara in place. What is wrong with me?
I'm not angry. I'm just very sad. Waves of it that crash over just when I think the storm is gone. Life will never be the same again, and not just for the obvious reason of her being gone, but for the larger significances. Maybe someday I will reach for the doorknob and not wonder what would happen if someone is inside. Maybe someday I will listen to Billy Joel and not fall apart. Maybe someday I will hear noises upstairs and my heart won't stop. Maybe.
But I will never watch the news the same. I will never hear about a death and not think about the hundreds of people, even remotely associated, whose lives are now changed forever. I will never be the same.
Today was not a great day. But there is always the chance tomorrow will be better. And isn't that what drives us all?
I know grief isn't like a light switch that you can suddenly turn off when you're ready to leave the room, but I'm not usually the griefy kind of person. I can only think of one time I've cried in the last twenty years that wasn't related to some Hallmark commercial or sappy movie. Sure, I'm free with the tears when it's completely not personal, but when it comes to my own life, I just don't. I don't know why. I've just never been the crying type.
I always feared someday I'd get horrible news and I wouldn't be able to cry and people would think, "How can she bawl like a baby through Pooh's Heffalump and not cry at real life??"
Then Jean died. And that worry went to rest.
I've made it through more than a week without crying. I've moved on. I've talked about it, written about it. Whatever needs to happen, I thought I'd worked through it. After all, even though Jean and I were very close many years ago, our relationship the past years have been more facebook/occasional lunch friendship.
But today, I was back at first base. No reason that I can pin it on, but I was on the edge of tears all day. An email, a pile of newspaper clippings, a conversation ... today was the arraignment of the kid who shot her. And during my Bible study the teacher kept harping on the fact that Esther was an orphan. "Can you think of anything more devastating than seeing children sitting in the front row while their mother's coffin is rolled past them?"
I bawled. Like a baby. All snotty, teary, ugly crying. In the middle of the Bible study full of women I really don't even know. Who probably wondered why in the world I cared so much about a video taped lecture.
Great gasping weeping. Quiet sobbing. Blinking lots to keep the mascara in place. What is wrong with me?
I'm not angry. I'm just very sad. Waves of it that crash over just when I think the storm is gone. Life will never be the same again, and not just for the obvious reason of her being gone, but for the larger significances. Maybe someday I will reach for the doorknob and not wonder what would happen if someone is inside. Maybe someday I will listen to Billy Joel and not fall apart. Maybe someday I will hear noises upstairs and my heart won't stop. Maybe.
But I will never watch the news the same. I will never hear about a death and not think about the hundreds of people, even remotely associated, whose lives are now changed forever. I will never be the same.
Today was not a great day. But there is always the chance tomorrow will be better. And isn't that what drives us all?
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